One day is as a thousand
I understand now how 1 day is as a thousand. I see Your wisdom in being outside of time. Understanding human nature to draw away from that which we cannot understand, perceive or fully grasp, I see how we draw away from Your face to seek gods less profound or demanding (all together lacking life). For truly You’re profound, most wise and the source of all truth, yet also the deepest and most loving lover. Even I, Your servant, created to love and serve You: even I cast my face from You many a time, unable to love or receive You.
How silly truly! How could I ever expect you to handle more than a moment of such distance, or rebellion, never mind days, months or years? Do not mistaken me, I do not believe You weak or ineffective without your lover. A servant is created for a master, not a master for a servant. Yet, as the author and finisher of love and truth, calling an unrighteous wife to yourself, I see Your mercy, compassion and the depth of Your love.
Allow me to recall a love story, shared amongst a crowd yet understood intimately between us 2: A lover having delighted himself in a lady, simple outwardly yet her inward he desired. He shower her in favour, robing her in grace and the finest arrays. He made sure she was happy and fully content, her belly filled and her beauty well known. Yet it was not long before she no longer preferred his love. Finding his love too overwhelming and profound for her simple tastes, his presence too intense and his nature too perfect, she sought after other lovers. She saw no other lover treated her as well, nor blessed her so, knowing her every need. Yet in her pride, she didn’t repent, instead she sought many lovers, each for a need. Yet even in her ways she didn’t understand his jealousy and when he cried out to her, she heard not his words. In her belief, she was still married and without flaw.
Seeing her run to and fro with her many a lover, he cried out to her. He called out to her, told her of what awaited her, in hope she would return. Yet knowing her heart, beholding her coldness and lack of love towards him, he still called out to her. The bread he gave she shared with her lovers, and the wine she delighted in lightly in their company. How patient and long suffering a man! After many a day of bearing her infidelity, he withdrew and fulfilled his promise of separation – after many a time of declaring his intent – that his word would be proven true.
Alarmed he had finally cast her off, she cried out and pleaded for his forgiveness. Suffered he did in the depths of his heart, more so seeing at seeing her tears. Yet faithful to his word, he hid his face from her ways. She knew his heart and the righteousness of his ways – there was to be no return. Yet even from his distance, he still cared for her, taking care that she died not in her unrighteousness, nor suffered from lack of bread. His ways righteous and true, there was no way he could give in to her cries for restoration - that which lay more strongly so on his heart. Already in his heart, before casting her off, knowing her he had a plan to get her back.
Truly a lover of great love and wisdom, yet forever righteous and faithful, he found a way to call her back. Before, when wed to his beloved, he loved her from the heavens, from a distance too great for her. Now he would come into existence, alike to his lover, to entreat her one on one. In his humility and simple attire she didn’t recognise him, even as he talked in her company, taught her the ways of righteousness, dined with her and called her for a higher purpose. She sat at his feet as he foretold what would come to pass. Startled she was at his request to bathe her, yet his words brought her peace, to which she eagerly requested it, delighting in his humility. She ate his bread and drank his wine yet little did she understand his words.
Seeing how she had been deceived by her lovers’ lies, his heart suffered and his being was broken, his spirit deeply humbled. Her ignorance brought him to tears, knowing she was completely unaware of his love or his plan. As he rebuked her arrogance and offered to heal her blindness, and to feed her hunger, her own pride lashed him. Knowing his lover’s cruelty, and his own intent, he endured her whips in silence – still loving her. As she tortured his being – thus fulfilling many a promise – his inner faith she could not draw from him. Even as blood spilt heavily on the ground at her peril, he still endured, encouraged by his faith in a greater plan. Every word he spoke - although unplanned and very few– aimed for her heart.
As he gave his last breath before her eyes, she was without words yet she didn’t relent nor turn back from her intent. For as the pride in her believed itself victorious, delighting as he who judged her righteously – bringing her shame before her face – died in her arms, equally there was a part of her who cried out for him, who missed his ways and his presence. Yet It was not long before he would rise and reveal himself to her again, a new man. Indeed he can truly done a marvellous deed! A miracle! He rose 3 days later, walking about unrecognised with the desire to her face. As he scrolled by her side she didn’t perceive, yet as he dined with her, her heart understood and rejoiced!
Parted he did once more from his love, with his intent to prepare for his beloved a new abode, where the two would be one again – one day soon!
Thankful I am for your patience to hear me on this matter. Yet I ask if you would muse me for a moment? If maybe the lover, deep and loving as He was, made Himself outside of time for the reason of protecting His own heart? If perhaps, by only enduring for a moment – yet torture it was undeniably – the separation from his beloved (knowing she would leave him shortly), that it may happen with haste, yet likewise for His mercy that she should be restored to him without delay – beyond that which He can bear. For no lover enjoys being forced to keep distant from the love of his heart, no matter the reason!
For true indeed, whatever his reason – most wise and righteous – for being outside of time, one thing remains true: He longs for the day of restoration – more than his beloved could ever imagine and will not tarry long! Yet until the day arrives, His heart is for her to awake from her slumber – for indeed her ignorance, and the deceit that blinds her, keep her in sleep – and rise to His side, loving Him in all her ways, and eagerly anticipating His long awaited return. Indeed in true faith, she will prepare her attire and her lamp continuously for when she shall hear His call – beckoning her to come out… to Him.
I am grateful, and may I forever be, that You have sent me a servant to assist me in my preparation and in obedience to Your servant, that I may be found prepared for Your return! As You return with haste, may I equally dress (and remain freshly so) and prepare with haste.
As true as one day is as a thousand so truly You are merciful! As you give your beloved many a day to awake and prepare, to wash herself and attire herself with the robes you had for her prepared. Even time is at Your feet, over whom You are Master! You are sovereign, most gracious and compassionate, righteous and loving, keeper of Your word!
Love heals:As the leaves fall gracefully to its end, I’m left feeling heart broken. Darkness draws nigh as the sun rests, bringing with it a sadness in my heart. Having put down my book, I find myself parting with more than mere leaves painted grey, but with a world in which I’ve found myself enchanted. Indeed I let the hours slip away as I lived in a skin not my own. Many a rain drop fell onto the leaves, only to be replaced with another yet dried with another ray of sunshine. Yes, I fully enjoyed my escape and even now as the pages have drawn closed, my thoughts cherish the memory and analyse the passings.
I truly abhor how time forces on your heart, his lies of old: that I should withdraw my heart, fill it with crisp white winter snow, and allow it to harden forming a sculpture of self-preservation. What vanity! Called to love, by the author of love, Creator of beauty and perfection, I have to retain the courage to embrace love, and the promise thereof. Even as I walk this adventure, on which I brace myself, as I find myself perplexed by its challenges, I keep fighting: I believe in the author and finisher of my faith!
As I glance back, I’m surprised how easily my disappointment I can conceal, and my tears I can store away from the sight of many alike myself. Yet to say I’m altogether like most would not only be lie but a dishonour to my creator, who designed me with an unique touch, and a specific purpose. No, I’m painfully self-aware and analytical yet lacking long-sight and creativity in matters long-term, building up within me a strong desire to be blind: that I might find myself guided hand in hand by Himself. He who knows all, bearing all wisdom, is to whom I give my greatest share of gratitude! Truly without such a leader, who guides my foot, or even carries me in my weakness, through the obscurity of love: I would lack all reason to carry on.
May I disclose, that of late my leader’s light waxes dim (not to death yet to apparent slumber) and His silence allows for the noise of the night? It’s in His silence I recall His heart to be sought, yet there’s a pride in my heart preventing me. Although I hunger for Him, my inner conflict leaves me without His meat. Even in the midst of fellowship,in the heart of worship, both of which I cherish and adore, I now stand without words and energy has abandoned me. I cry out for help, yet silence, I yearn for Your presence, yet I shiver before You. Without You I am broken and undone! Knowing Your heart, I persist retaining my faith and knowing in my heart You’re close by – even in Your silence.
I’m so glad! Now as after days of inner torment, I can once more rejoice! With such reverence You recognised my weakness and brokenness, yet equally with grace You robe me and with love You’ve called me to You. Even in the darkness of Your silence, my prayer was heard and faithfully Your word You kept to perfection. Without You, I raged to and fro, lacking control and my pride she elevated herself in great array (yet equally to greater shame) whilst I sought my resolve: You.
I find myself now equally as Mr Rochester ('Jane Eyre' - book), as clay in the hands of the one I love. Without You I’m broken and sorely vexed, desiring death, yet with You, I am restored and my shoots find life in the waters You pour forth. Wisdom comforts me, and having reasoned with her, I understand why I should just have faith. She assures me my every desire is known by He who loves me, each natural and right, and preparations are being made for such. Yet she asks: ‘Are you patient enough to wait? Are you faithful enough to allow Yah to teach you and prepare you? Will you be courageous and lift up your chin, look forward and start living like You’re set-apart and cherished?’
As I lay my head on my arms, my mind runs. Yet as You draw near, a warmth burns within my heart, a peace flows through my waters, a fear within my lungs. I feel at home with You, as I rest my head to sleep…
